What are teens hoping to feel when they self-harm?

Self-harm can be deeply frightening and confusing for parents and educators. When a young person hurts themselves, it is rarely about wanting to die. More often, it reflects an attempt to cope with overwhelming emotions, regain a sense of control, or feel something different when distress or numbness becomes too much to manage alone.

In this session, we’ll explore why some teenagers turn to self-harm and risky behaviours, and what they may be hoping to feel when they do. With insights from Dr Dom Thompson, we’ll look at self-harm as a communication of distress rather than attention-seeking, and why responding with calm, curiosity, and compassion matters so much. The session will support parents and educators to understand what may be driving these behaviours, how to respond in ways that reduce risk, and how early, supportive conversations can make a meaningful difference.

Discussion Points

• What self-harm can represent emotionally for teenagers
• Why self-harm is often a coping strategy rather than a suicidal intent
• Common emotional states linked to self-harm, including distress, numbness, and loss of control
• How self-harm and risk-taking behaviours can overlap
• Recognising signs that a young person may be struggling, even when they are trying to hide it
• How to respond when self-harm is disclosed — and what can make things feel worse
• The importance of open communication, curiosity, and emotional safety
• When and how to prioritise safety and seek appropriate professional support
• The role of schools and families in creating a joined-up, supportive response

Takeaways for Parents and Educators

• A clearer understanding of why some teenagers self-harm
• Greater confidence in responding with empathy rather than fear or judgement
• Insight into how self-harm can function as a signal of unmet emotional needs
• Practical guidance on supportive conversations and early intervention
• Reassurance that calm, consistent support can reduce risk and improve outcomes
• Understanding the importance of collaboration between home, school, and health services